I came to the conclusion a couple months ago that I am spread to thin. I have been unable to keep up with all the obligations I'm committed to at the moment and feel I'm losing my grip on all of them. Since then I've been debating over the best way to tackle this problem. Something has to go on the chopping block, but what? For starters I found a valid excuse to take a term off from my teaching job, so that will free up some energy for a few months (a few key months since my kids will be home and my brain will be tired just on account of that!).
But I worry this won't be enough. I have found myself becoming very forgetful and easily distracted lately; forgetting appointments, where I put things, constantly walking back to a room I was just in to get something I should have grabbed while I was there.... ya know. I concluded a few days ago that if there was a concrete solution to this problem I would buy it/do it. If I could increase my brain function (significantly) by eliminating dairy or simple sugars or taking some supplement, I would do it! I can't express my feeling of desperation over this lately; I'm just way too busy for my brain to be shorting out on me like this all the time. I was on the verge of making a doctors appointment yesterday (or maybe calling a naturopath) when later in the day I noticed I seemed to be having a 6 hour streak of clarity. I was at work and for some reason it seemed effortless. The tasks I usually find tedious I accomplished easily and quickly, without much physical or mental exertion, and I was finished and out the door exactly when I intended to be. I starting examining this freak occurrence as I walked out of the hospital. So here comes my grand revelation.....
I realized I hadn't thought about myself for a number of hours. I hadn't worried about how I looked, what I was eating, what someone thought about me, if I forgot something or screwed up somehow, second guessing myself, etc. I hadn't put any criticism on myself all night! Don't ask me how this occurred, I really don't know. Maybe my ego just plain got tired and took a nap for a while. I realized maybe, just maybe, it was this constant self criticism, this constant self absorption, that creates a distracting noise in my brain. A constant distracting (and often discouraging), nagging, voice. No, i'm not schizophrenic, but I apparently still need to see my therapist on a regular basis. I can't say I've had such luck today, I'm not sure how to recreate the conditions that cause something in my brain to just snap like that, to turn off the noise. Welp, calling my therapist for an appointment tomorrow. I may still call the naturopath too, my insurance covers it so why not :)
Content to say I'm still figuring it all out, hope you are too,
Miss Z
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Garden (mini-farm) Update
Learning the ways of things that grow from the ground, and loving it! One concept I discovered, very simple: the leaves absorb the energy from the sun and the roots absorb the nutrients from the soil..... so if bugs eat the leaves no matter how good the roots are the plant dies. Thankfully we've only had a slight bug problem but I'm gonna nip that in the bud; seeing a LOT of spiders and leaving them be hoping they'll eat whatever's eating my leaves and also ordering lady bugs, supposably they help control the aphids....
So here are the pics I took this morning:
"Herb Spiral", got the idea from a really cool book, "Self Sufficiency for the 21st Century" (in my Amazon store!). Awesome book with a lot of good pictures and step by step instructions with photos for the ADD and time constrained momma. My herbs are doing great, made Cory and I a delicious salad last night: Green leaf lettuce, red bell peppers, cucumbers, pickled leeks, red onions, both varieties of basil you see here (green and purple), cilantro, mint and parsley all tossed up with some Thai curry and brown sugar grilled shrimp and my Vietnamese dressing :P soooo good.
Some wild green onions growing right by, under the deck. Should have put these in my salad! Gotta pick them today.
Sugar snap peas, first garden baby's born!
Lettuce bed, started from seed. Can't quite figure out yet why the one in the lower left corner isn't growing as well :-/
Cory's tomatoes. He's so proud :) I think these were started from seed. What's great is at this point we have no idea what varieties we planted and where; we started most from seed, 4 different varieties, some died and we replanted with stuff we bought or got from friends.... will be a total surprise when they begin to bear fruit.
Growing food anywhere we have space, why not?! Strawberries and marigolds on top, herbs second level and lettuce in the bottom. This is just a "Stack-a-Pot" I bought at Kmart to put on the deck. Soon to come, an experiment involving corn stalks, pole beans and winter squash planted together alternating with sunflowers, to border/grow up the side of the deck..... my friend http://applenamos.blogspot.com/ came up with this idea, hope it works if it does it will be beautiful and edible! Never would have thought I could go from killing houseplants one year to growing a huge ass garden the next... just goes to show you, with the right motivation you can do anything :)
Weather here in South-mid-west CT is gorgeous, let the sun warm your soul, have the best day ever,
<3 Miss Z
So here are the pics I took this morning:
Weather here in South-mid-west CT is gorgeous, let the sun warm your soul, have the best day ever,
<3 Miss Z
Saturday, May 21, 2011
It's the end of the world as we know it..
I bet in other parts of the world they are not giving a second thought to this whole judgment day claim. No third world citizen can be bothered entertaining these ideas, they have too much work to do, to much reality to contend with. Westernized civilization and specifically America, are the only places where people horrify, or amuse, their psyche thinking about catastrophic tragic events. It's all Hollywood to us though, as our government (funded by large corporations) here provides us with this protective bubble; doing anything it needs to to make it's citizens feel secure and sleep well at night, wake up the next day and buy your Dunkin Donuts on your way to work, "don't worry, we've got it under control". In reality, we are the Disney World of the world, because the truth is no one has it all under control, but we're having so much fun and it's been like that for so long that we just don't see it; the fantasy has become our reality.
I'd like to point out this morning that while we are not going to be smote by the Lord Almighty, we are not immune to retribution, and we do NOT have it all under control, it's actually quite the opposite. We've given corporations control over our lives, we depend on their products and services to survive and to provide us with those products and services they have done nothing short of rape and pillage this planet and it's more peaceful inhabitants. I'm here to say, "Repent, and change your ways!" not because some mythical, man-imagined figure will punish us if we don't, this is not a Hollywood movie people!
There is a balance to everything that is living and the earth itself is no exception. You can drink a little too much Saturday night, throw up, have a hangover the next day, and recover enough to go to work Monday morning. If you are healthy your body can handle the assault. But if you do this 5 days per week for 20 years you will make your body unhealthy and you will develop a disease that you will die from. This is what our modern lifestyle is doing to the earth. We have become a disease and the earth will do it's best to maintain it's homeostasis, just as our bodies do, just as every living thing does. You can't ignore the signs; the scientists have been shouting it, and now the weather is starting to prove it. It's not so much "judgment", just simple cause and effect that no spiritual being has control over.
This spring/summer I encourage you; skip the blockbuster movie and stay home from church. If there is a God at all, it is surely the planet we live on. Plant a garden and watch how it grows, or dies. Go for a nature hike, look around you, look at the ground, examine a flower, a bug, put your bare hands and toes in the dirt and reconnect yourself with the life force that sustains you. If you have children you know what it's like to have created life, and there is nothing you love more than that little life you created. And you have made big changes in your life for the benefit of that child and it may have been difficult but you did it and it was worth it. If you learn to love LIFE, life itself, you will learn to love the earth which sustains it. And if you learn to LOVE the earth you will find that the changes you need to make to act in love towards it are difficult at first, but in the end you CAN do it, and it's worth it.
And that is my best try at gentle inspiration folks. The harsh truth is we're all fucked if we don't make a huge effort to fix this shit, and it's goin down a whole lot sooner than Mickey Mouse, Kim Kardashian or Obama are ever gonna tell you on the TV so turn that shit off and wake the fuck up!
Happy Spring everyone!
Miss Z
I'd like to point out this morning that while we are not going to be smote by the Lord Almighty, we are not immune to retribution, and we do NOT have it all under control, it's actually quite the opposite. We've given corporations control over our lives, we depend on their products and services to survive and to provide us with those products and services they have done nothing short of rape and pillage this planet and it's more peaceful inhabitants. I'm here to say, "Repent, and change your ways!" not because some mythical, man-imagined figure will punish us if we don't, this is not a Hollywood movie people!
There is a balance to everything that is living and the earth itself is no exception. You can drink a little too much Saturday night, throw up, have a hangover the next day, and recover enough to go to work Monday morning. If you are healthy your body can handle the assault. But if you do this 5 days per week for 20 years you will make your body unhealthy and you will develop a disease that you will die from. This is what our modern lifestyle is doing to the earth. We have become a disease and the earth will do it's best to maintain it's homeostasis, just as our bodies do, just as every living thing does. You can't ignore the signs; the scientists have been shouting it, and now the weather is starting to prove it. It's not so much "judgment", just simple cause and effect that no spiritual being has control over.
This spring/summer I encourage you; skip the blockbuster movie and stay home from church. If there is a God at all, it is surely the planet we live on. Plant a garden and watch how it grows, or dies. Go for a nature hike, look around you, look at the ground, examine a flower, a bug, put your bare hands and toes in the dirt and reconnect yourself with the life force that sustains you. If you have children you know what it's like to have created life, and there is nothing you love more than that little life you created. And you have made big changes in your life for the benefit of that child and it may have been difficult but you did it and it was worth it. If you learn to love LIFE, life itself, you will learn to love the earth which sustains it. And if you learn to LOVE the earth you will find that the changes you need to make to act in love towards it are difficult at first, but in the end you CAN do it, and it's worth it.
And that is my best try at gentle inspiration folks. The harsh truth is we're all fucked if we don't make a huge effort to fix this shit, and it's goin down a whole lot sooner than Mickey Mouse, Kim Kardashian or Obama are ever gonna tell you on the TV so turn that shit off and wake the fuck up!
Happy Spring everyone!
Miss Z
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Filling the Void
Experienced a moment of self awareness today... thought I would share.
La Leche League meeting this morning. A woman came who I had spoken with on the phone a couple times about some problems she was having, but this was the first month she was able to make it to a meeting. She right away thanked me for the advice I had given her and expressed how excited she was to finally be meeting me because I had helped her so much. I realized how true it is what those psychology studies I've read about say; what makes people truly happy is healthy relationships and helping others. Even though I'm not breastfeeding anymore, this is the reason I continue to volunteer my time to help women who are. It was only a few years ago that I remember my husband becoming disgruntled over my getting involved in LLL. He said it was "taking time away from the family". I think what he felt threatened by was the realization that I could think and do things that didn't have to do with him; I was asserting my own identity, separate from him.
At remembering this I had a sudden rush of pride over what I've accomplished in the last few years... and over my entire life so far. I also felt a great sense of satisfaction with the life I'm living right now. As crazy as it is sometimes, I'm living the life I want.
I saw myself just a year ago, on the dating scene. I felt driven to date, partly because I had never gotten to do that (I met my husband when I was only 15) and partly because I felt this gaping void of not having someone to reflect off of and form my identity by. See, pouring my soul into a long term relationship at only 15 caused me to quite literally become a "girl interrupted". Not to mention taking on the identity of "mom" at only 17. I realized most of my identity was wrapped up in him, even my belief system (THAT was a toughy, and the subject of a whole other, much longer blog). So, after the divorce I felt completely.... lost. I searched for someone to tell me who this new person was, so I could put the pieces back together in some way that made sense.
I could have not found anyone, interestingly enough I found a younger man, who doesn't tell me who to be and our relationship makes me feel free to explore that without judgment. It's like God knew what I needed, but seeing I was hell bent on doing it my way gave me someone who would not interfere with His work in me. ("God" and "His" only representing the existence of some divine order in the universe, not necessarily the God of the Bible... just to clarify). So now i'm filling that void with.... myself. Whatever I want to be, whatever I want to do... I can. Just a simple change in mindset has opened up so many possibilities to me, and yet i'm the exact same person!
As I hear my 17 yr old daughter arguing on the phone with her boyfriend in the next room I'm saddened that she seems to be making the same mistake. And then I again realize, there is no right answer; wherever you find yourself is good and has a purpose. She'll figure it out. I can only keep living true to myself and hope that I'm being a good example, although I'm prepared for her not to admit it for another several years ;)
ttfn,
Miss Z
La Leche League meeting this morning. A woman came who I had spoken with on the phone a couple times about some problems she was having, but this was the first month she was able to make it to a meeting. She right away thanked me for the advice I had given her and expressed how excited she was to finally be meeting me because I had helped her so much. I realized how true it is what those psychology studies I've read about say; what makes people truly happy is healthy relationships and helping others. Even though I'm not breastfeeding anymore, this is the reason I continue to volunteer my time to help women who are. It was only a few years ago that I remember my husband becoming disgruntled over my getting involved in LLL. He said it was "taking time away from the family". I think what he felt threatened by was the realization that I could think and do things that didn't have to do with him; I was asserting my own identity, separate from him.
At remembering this I had a sudden rush of pride over what I've accomplished in the last few years... and over my entire life so far. I also felt a great sense of satisfaction with the life I'm living right now. As crazy as it is sometimes, I'm living the life I want.
I saw myself just a year ago, on the dating scene. I felt driven to date, partly because I had never gotten to do that (I met my husband when I was only 15) and partly because I felt this gaping void of not having someone to reflect off of and form my identity by. See, pouring my soul into a long term relationship at only 15 caused me to quite literally become a "girl interrupted". Not to mention taking on the identity of "mom" at only 17. I realized most of my identity was wrapped up in him, even my belief system (THAT was a toughy, and the subject of a whole other, much longer blog). So, after the divorce I felt completely.... lost. I searched for someone to tell me who this new person was, so I could put the pieces back together in some way that made sense.
I could have not found anyone, interestingly enough I found a younger man, who doesn't tell me who to be and our relationship makes me feel free to explore that without judgment. It's like God knew what I needed, but seeing I was hell bent on doing it my way gave me someone who would not interfere with His work in me. ("God" and "His" only representing the existence of some divine order in the universe, not necessarily the God of the Bible... just to clarify). So now i'm filling that void with.... myself. Whatever I want to be, whatever I want to do... I can. Just a simple change in mindset has opened up so many possibilities to me, and yet i'm the exact same person!
As I hear my 17 yr old daughter arguing on the phone with her boyfriend in the next room I'm saddened that she seems to be making the same mistake. And then I again realize, there is no right answer; wherever you find yourself is good and has a purpose. She'll figure it out. I can only keep living true to myself and hope that I'm being a good example, although I'm prepared for her not to admit it for another several years ;)
ttfn,
Miss Z
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Limitlessy
Soooo, went to the movies this past weekend which is something I LOVE to do and haven't done in a good 6 months. Saw that movie "Limitless", with Bradley Cooper (yum-yum). The plot was basically the early development of a drug that allows people to access the parts of our brains we are seemingly unable to utilize on a regular basis, and how it changes the life of one man who takes it. So, super concentration, memory, thought clarity, etc. Great movie, very entertaining and thought provoking too. And what it provoked me to think was: what if a woman took this drug??
It was no surprise to me that they picked a man as the main character of this movie. He had a grand time (SPOILER ALERT) impressing women and then sleeping with them, conquering the stock market and eventually running for president. So think about if the main character was a woman. What would she do with her super brain power? Hard to think, right? I know what I personally would do, but have a hard time imagining I would, in reality, get as far as super smart and super handsome Bradley Cooper did in this movie. I don't think people would be as impressed. Society just does not appreciate a super smart woman! Women who are super beautiful, super mothers/nurturers, super organized, super supportive (to men and children).... all revered female traits. I would even guess most people appreciate a woman that can super kick ass, but a woman with a super ability to THINK, and possibly change the world... not so much.
I fucking hate that.... really discouraging.
It was no surprise to me that they picked a man as the main character of this movie. He had a grand time (SPOILER ALERT) impressing women and then sleeping with them, conquering the stock market and eventually running for president. So think about if the main character was a woman. What would she do with her super brain power? Hard to think, right? I know what I personally would do, but have a hard time imagining I would, in reality, get as far as super smart and super handsome Bradley Cooper did in this movie. I don't think people would be as impressed. Society just does not appreciate a super smart woman! Women who are super beautiful, super mothers/nurturers, super organized, super supportive (to men and children).... all revered female traits. I would even guess most people appreciate a woman that can super kick ass, but a woman with a super ability to THINK, and possibly change the world... not so much.
I fucking hate that.... really discouraging.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Athe-I-sm
Started reading this yesterday in prep for a training seminar I am taking this weekend:
Very intelligent, good food for thought... deep (and sometimes scary) thought about the future of humankind. This quote struck me:
"Healthy functioning requires that we have faith that our needs will be met in the future; without this confidence, our trust in the world is damaged. Damaged trust can lead to four neurotic reactions that are likely to impact environmental behavior: narcissism, depression, paranoia and compulsion"
There is no bibliography in the Appendices (?), only states that this was quoted by "Winter and Kroger", seemingly from a journal of psychology. This sums up in a nutshell recent thoughts I've been having about what it is I personally believe in. If you believe in nothing but yourself and what your eyes see around you, then you admit that the future is entirely uncertain and therefore unsafe; you have only yourself and your abilities to rely on and you will go ONLY as far as that will take you. I admitted to myself that this may, in fact, be true. But if I choose to believe this way I give up all sense of hope; because I myself have finite abilities... and frankly I'm not all that talented and of limited education. I HAVE to believe that by my good intention, determination and belief in a cosmic/spiritual order to life and the universe, my needs (and my childrens') will be met tomorrow, and it will be a good day. I have to, or else there is really no point in exsisting at all....
So now i'm kinda interested to have convo with an atheist about this point..... anyone?
Ok back to reading, I have 99 more pages to read before Saturday!!
MizzZ :)
Very intelligent, good food for thought... deep (and sometimes scary) thought about the future of humankind. This quote struck me:
"Healthy functioning requires that we have faith that our needs will be met in the future; without this confidence, our trust in the world is damaged. Damaged trust can lead to four neurotic reactions that are likely to impact environmental behavior: narcissism, depression, paranoia and compulsion"
There is no bibliography in the Appendices (?), only states that this was quoted by "Winter and Kroger", seemingly from a journal of psychology. This sums up in a nutshell recent thoughts I've been having about what it is I personally believe in. If you believe in nothing but yourself and what your eyes see around you, then you admit that the future is entirely uncertain and therefore unsafe; you have only yourself and your abilities to rely on and you will go ONLY as far as that will take you. I admitted to myself that this may, in fact, be true. But if I choose to believe this way I give up all sense of hope; because I myself have finite abilities... and frankly I'm not all that talented and of limited education. I HAVE to believe that by my good intention, determination and belief in a cosmic/spiritual order to life and the universe, my needs (and my childrens') will be met tomorrow, and it will be a good day. I have to, or else there is really no point in exsisting at all....
So now i'm kinda interested to have convo with an atheist about this point..... anyone?
Ok back to reading, I have 99 more pages to read before Saturday!!
MizzZ :)
Friday, March 18, 2011
Do it yo-self
A phrase that about a year ago made me feel a bit inadequate but recently making me feel... unstoppable! If you've thought about embarking on a do-it-yourself project my advice would be to NOT OVER THINK IT. Start collecting what you need to do it.... and just DO IT! Be careful not to sink too much money into it, though, understanding that do-it-yourself projects can fail. Do it for fun and a feeling of accomplishment instead of out of necessity and you will feel you've learned something, no matter what the outcome. Maybe you can try again once you've gotten your feet wet!
I decided I would start making some of my own personal care/hygiene and cleaning products once the ones i had in my cabinets started running out. First on the list: soap. I ordered what I needed, watched a youtube video and decided to start with a small test batch, so I wouldn't waist the money I spent on supplies if I screwed it up. What I learned: making soap is quick and easy! Why would anyone buy it at the store when you can make yourself a 1 year supply with about $20 in ingredients and a half an hour of your time?! Next: deodorant. Sounds weird, but I found a recipe on-line (from a fellow blogger), this one is simple so I'll share it here:
1/4 cup baking soda
1/4 cup corn starch
6 Tbsp melted coconut oil
5-6 drops tea tree (and/or lavender, rosemary, peppermint, or whatever other oil you like)
whisk baking soda and corn starch to get out any lumps, mix with oils.... done! I tried pouring it into my empty deodorant thingy, just turned the dial backwards till it was hollow again and poured my mixture in. Put it in the fridge and it solidified but tried to turn it up too soon and it was still too hard, think I broke the mechanism that makes the deodorant come up :( but the deodorant itself turned out great!! I managed to get some on; goes on smooth, clear, absorbs quick, keeping me dry and my pits smell great!!
So, the moral of the story is; don't put those projects you thought about doing on the back burner, put aside a little time and just do it!
I decided I would start making some of my own personal care/hygiene and cleaning products once the ones i had in my cabinets started running out. First on the list: soap. I ordered what I needed, watched a youtube video and decided to start with a small test batch, so I wouldn't waist the money I spent on supplies if I screwed it up. What I learned: making soap is quick and easy! Why would anyone buy it at the store when you can make yourself a 1 year supply with about $20 in ingredients and a half an hour of your time?! Next: deodorant. Sounds weird, but I found a recipe on-line (from a fellow blogger), this one is simple so I'll share it here:
1/4 cup baking soda
1/4 cup corn starch
6 Tbsp melted coconut oil
5-6 drops tea tree (and/or lavender, rosemary, peppermint, or whatever other oil you like)
whisk baking soda and corn starch to get out any lumps, mix with oils.... done! I tried pouring it into my empty deodorant thingy, just turned the dial backwards till it was hollow again and poured my mixture in. Put it in the fridge and it solidified but tried to turn it up too soon and it was still too hard, think I broke the mechanism that makes the deodorant come up :( but the deodorant itself turned out great!! I managed to get some on; goes on smooth, clear, absorbs quick, keeping me dry and my pits smell great!!
So, the moral of the story is; don't put those projects you thought about doing on the back burner, put aside a little time and just do it!
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