Been battling some career indecision lately. I knew half way through nursing school that I wasn't meant to be a nurse, and it's only been confirmed to me again and again since then. I lucked out big time with my current job which has kept me in the nursing field, against all odds, for the last 8 years. But my luck slowly started running out when they sacrificed our CABC (Commission for the Accreditation of Birthing Centers) accreditation 5 years ago due to budget cuts. Now every year I feel closer and closer to the hospital floor; I've had to incorporate more and more of their policies and procedures in my work at the Birthplace, which is really starting to ruin the whole happy hippie family vibe which I loved so much. I feel in my gut that my time there will be coming to an end, probably sometime in the next year or two....
So what next? I feel like I have this one precious year to figure out the answer to this question; all my kids will be in school full days and I will continue to be on-call for the birthplace, but that usually means I'll just be... home. I will NOT be eating bon-bons, getting hooked on daytime soaps or playing farmville. I will be directing my energies towards embarking on the next phase of my purpose... whatever that is :-/
I know this: I am a teacher. But what will I be teaching? And will I be able to earn enough to maintain my humble, yet comfortable, lifestyle? I feel somewhat ashamed to admit; I've NEVER worked a 40 hr/week job. This is most definitely because I've had kids since I was old enough to have a job, but also because I haven't yet found something I could bear doing for 40 hours/week. Some (most?) people accept work as work, earn their money and use it to make the best of their weekends and vacation time. I can't do this. I've known for a long time that I was meant for something significant....... "Significant" is the only way I can describe it, and I suppose that is almost an entirely subjective term, haha.
Think I may go back to school in the fall. Going to attend an open house at The Graduate Institute next month. They have Masters Degree programs in "emerging fields of study", such as, "Learning and Thinking" and "Conscious Evolution" (yes, you can get a masters degree in that!!). I figure if i want to be the sort of teacher that works for someone else (a school) all I need is a masters degree, any masters degree, to do that, wha-la! And if I decide to start my own business, it would be this kind of self actualization and exploration that might help me to do that......
Feedback?
Sorry this may be boring to all but 2 or 3 of my friends! Help, good friends, help!
Miss Z
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
More Garden Progress
Sorry some of you may be bored with this by now and even still more of you may even be thinking, "Seriously? It's just a dumb garden." But if you are thinking the latter I'm surprised you're reading my blog at all, get a life!
But seriously, I'm documenting this not only for anyone who is as passionate about fresh veggies as I am but also as sort of a farmers log, a diary, of what did well and what didn't so I can have some reference point for next year. LOTS of rain alternating with hot sun would seem to be a recipe for garden success and for the most part it has been. Only crops not doing well are the peppers. Other people's are doing well, idk what I'm doing wrong. Stopped at a roadside farm stand on Saturday and struck up a conversation with the owner about what is doing well and what's not (as I've been doing everywhere and with anyone I meet who I know gardens). He said it's been pretty wet for peppers, so maybe that's the problem.
Everything else is doing stellar though; even the eggplants which started out looking not too promising are now bursting with buds that will hopefully soon birth beautiful, shiny, spongy fruits! :D Summer squash, cucumbers, peas, beans all producing amazingly and don't get me started on the tomatoes... they aren't even ripe yet and I already checked out a book on canning from the library, we're gonna have a shit load! We even planted some potatoes, late but we should have them by end of summer. Other root veggies came out tastey but small-ish, which I wasn't too surprised about for some reason, gotta research better before planting next year. Now for the pictures.....
Here is the main garden (there are a few smaller ones spread around the property as well). Sorry for the angled view :P
This morning's harvest: cucumbers and summer squash (and some green beans hidden underneath)
Remember the squash I found growing out of our compost bin? It's a butternut! Isn't it cuuuuute?! :D
We planted a few watermelons under the bird feeder (thought it would look pretty) and they are doing well along with some sunflowers that sprouted up from the bird seed!!
Winter squash patch. Look at that pumpkin! Bippity, boppity, boo!
I just love how the viney veggies grab on to stuff with their little springy fingers :D This is a cucumber with big dreams; it's already outgrown the fence and this 5 ft pole we gave it.
That's all for now folks or kids will be late for their bus to camp!
TTFN, MizzZ
But seriously, I'm documenting this not only for anyone who is as passionate about fresh veggies as I am but also as sort of a farmers log, a diary, of what did well and what didn't so I can have some reference point for next year. LOTS of rain alternating with hot sun would seem to be a recipe for garden success and for the most part it has been. Only crops not doing well are the peppers. Other people's are doing well, idk what I'm doing wrong. Stopped at a roadside farm stand on Saturday and struck up a conversation with the owner about what is doing well and what's not (as I've been doing everywhere and with anyone I meet who I know gardens). He said it's been pretty wet for peppers, so maybe that's the problem.
Everything else is doing stellar though; even the eggplants which started out looking not too promising are now bursting with buds that will hopefully soon birth beautiful, shiny, spongy fruits! :D Summer squash, cucumbers, peas, beans all producing amazingly and don't get me started on the tomatoes... they aren't even ripe yet and I already checked out a book on canning from the library, we're gonna have a shit load! We even planted some potatoes, late but we should have them by end of summer. Other root veggies came out tastey but small-ish, which I wasn't too surprised about for some reason, gotta research better before planting next year. Now for the pictures.....
That's all for now folks or kids will be late for their bus to camp!
TTFN, MizzZ
Friday, July 8, 2011
I'm too old for this shit! And I'm too young for this shit!!
Amusing story which exemplifies the complexity of my life.....
Have a couple months off from my night job. Since January this job has totally put the kibosh on my social life since every weekday evening that I don't have my kids and could go somewhere I have been working. Their dad has enjoyed the extra time with them and requested it not change too much over the summer so I'll have Thursday nights free for a couple months, which will be nice.
So about a week ago a friend tells me there is a meeting/get together for the CT chapter of NORML (National Organization to Reform Marijuana Laws). I thought this seemed like a fun way to kick off my summer Thursdays; learn more about the cause and meet some interesting people/make new social connections. It was being held at a bar in New Haven I've been to once and really liked, wouldn't mind going back, not to mention you gotta figure someone there would have REALLY good herb they're willing to share, right? Not so much. It was more of a meeting for people who are serious about becoming political activists for the legalization of marijuana in CT. While I do take a personal interest in this (have signed all the petitions circulating the internet, sent letters to my state rep's etc), I was attending more for a social experience since my ability to do any more than I already have is limited.
Why, you ask? Because I have a 17 year old daughter who, because of where I was at in my life mentally/emotionally/spiritually, I raised in accordance with strict Judao/Christian family values. So; monogamy, abstinence until marriage (ideally), abiding by the laws of the land, mind altering substances are dangerous and un-Godly, etc. This is not how I was raised, but I hit my early teens and all this guilt and fear emerged. I was looking for answers or someone to reassure me that I'm OK and I'll be allright. I'm on the slow road to recovery as I've started to become reacquainted with who I am at my core and learning to accept and embrace that. I realize now that there are some things I can control and I should exercise what powers I have, while staying balanced, and the rest is up to chance; I can't spend my time worrying or praying about it. I just hope I can roll with the punches and learn something. But back then I was just teaching her what I thought "good" "Christian" parents were supposed to teach their kids. Apparently she took all of my lectures to heart, who knew! Guess I should feel honored that she really does respect me that much, but now what do I do?! Tell her I was wrong? I've tried to explain the changes that I'm going through to her and why I feel differently about a lot of things now but she hasn't been receptive, at all. I can imagine it makes her feel a bit insecure that "Mom" is changing. I'm supposed to be her rock and by definition that means steadfast and predictable. I'm sorry that my mid-life crisis is happening at the same time as your identity crisis Justine!!
So anyway, the fact that my boyfriend and I enjoy the devils lettuce on a regular basis is something I've felt the need to keep hidden from my daughter... it's not easy. We have code names and phrases and we exclusively do it in the garden shed which is like our adult clubhouse the kids are not allowed in (pad locked). As I awkwardly try to mingle with the crowd at the NORML meeting, I only succeed in giving this long winded apologetic speech to this unusually tall and very intelligent man about how I wish I could do more but I have this teenage daughter... blah blah. I don't think he understood my plight. The three of us decided to leave, go back to my house and "visit the shed". Justine had txt me an hour earlier asking me when I'd be home, so I assumed she must be home alone and bored. She could (should) go to her dad's for the night with her sisters when they go but often chooses to stay home. It was 10:30, we snuck around the back of the house to the shed, being especially quiet as we passed her bedroom window. We enjoyed a puff, had some deep conversation, then decided it was time for bed.
It's wicked hot and humid, we debate over putting the air conditioner in but end up deciding we're too stoned and the unit is too damn heavy; we'll just sleep naked and do it tomorrow. We turn all the lights off, lock all the doors. Cory says he's going to brush his teeth. Less than a minute later I hear a sound at the back door off the kitchen, "what is he doing out there?" I walk into the kitchen in my underwear, topless (no one else is there except Justine and I figure she's sleeping, she's the only one with an air conditioner as of yet), and turn on the kitchen light. I hear Justine's voice say, "Aaahhh, MOOOOM, NOOOO!" It's her and her boyfriend trying to unlock the back door in the dark. They were almost in when I turned on the light and gave them an eye full. Apparently she WAS NOT home. I usually check her room before I go to bed every night, just to peek in and say goodnight. I failed this night. Was it because I was under the influence? Great, I'm a drugged, neglectful mom and now I'm prancing around naked in front of my kids (boy)friends. Cory comes out of the bathroom in his underwear and realizes what happened, "We weren't doing anything Justine, we were just getting ready for bed!" Thanks Cory, even if we did get caught in the act I don't think we need to blurt out a quick excuse; we're the parents she's the kid, remember? Sometimes it's hard to tell around here....
Sorry Justine, I'll cover you're future therapy expenses.
Rolling with the punches,
Miss Z
Have a couple months off from my night job. Since January this job has totally put the kibosh on my social life since every weekday evening that I don't have my kids and could go somewhere I have been working. Their dad has enjoyed the extra time with them and requested it not change too much over the summer so I'll have Thursday nights free for a couple months, which will be nice.
So about a week ago a friend tells me there is a meeting/get together for the CT chapter of NORML (National Organization to Reform Marijuana Laws). I thought this seemed like a fun way to kick off my summer Thursdays; learn more about the cause and meet some interesting people/make new social connections. It was being held at a bar in New Haven I've been to once and really liked, wouldn't mind going back, not to mention you gotta figure someone there would have REALLY good herb they're willing to share, right? Not so much. It was more of a meeting for people who are serious about becoming political activists for the legalization of marijuana in CT. While I do take a personal interest in this (have signed all the petitions circulating the internet, sent letters to my state rep's etc), I was attending more for a social experience since my ability to do any more than I already have is limited.
Why, you ask? Because I have a 17 year old daughter who, because of where I was at in my life mentally/emotionally/spiritually, I raised in accordance with strict Judao/Christian family values. So; monogamy, abstinence until marriage (ideally), abiding by the laws of the land, mind altering substances are dangerous and un-Godly, etc. This is not how I was raised, but I hit my early teens and all this guilt and fear emerged. I was looking for answers or someone to reassure me that I'm OK and I'll be allright. I'm on the slow road to recovery as I've started to become reacquainted with who I am at my core and learning to accept and embrace that. I realize now that there are some things I can control and I should exercise what powers I have, while staying balanced, and the rest is up to chance; I can't spend my time worrying or praying about it. I just hope I can roll with the punches and learn something. But back then I was just teaching her what I thought "good" "Christian" parents were supposed to teach their kids. Apparently she took all of my lectures to heart, who knew! Guess I should feel honored that she really does respect me that much, but now what do I do?! Tell her I was wrong? I've tried to explain the changes that I'm going through to her and why I feel differently about a lot of things now but she hasn't been receptive, at all. I can imagine it makes her feel a bit insecure that "Mom" is changing. I'm supposed to be her rock and by definition that means steadfast and predictable. I'm sorry that my mid-life crisis is happening at the same time as your identity crisis Justine!!
So anyway, the fact that my boyfriend and I enjoy the devils lettuce on a regular basis is something I've felt the need to keep hidden from my daughter... it's not easy. We have code names and phrases and we exclusively do it in the garden shed which is like our adult clubhouse the kids are not allowed in (pad locked). As I awkwardly try to mingle with the crowd at the NORML meeting, I only succeed in giving this long winded apologetic speech to this unusually tall and very intelligent man about how I wish I could do more but I have this teenage daughter... blah blah. I don't think he understood my plight. The three of us decided to leave, go back to my house and "visit the shed". Justine had txt me an hour earlier asking me when I'd be home, so I assumed she must be home alone and bored. She could (should) go to her dad's for the night with her sisters when they go but often chooses to stay home. It was 10:30, we snuck around the back of the house to the shed, being especially quiet as we passed her bedroom window. We enjoyed a puff, had some deep conversation, then decided it was time for bed.
It's wicked hot and humid, we debate over putting the air conditioner in but end up deciding we're too stoned and the unit is too damn heavy; we'll just sleep naked and do it tomorrow. We turn all the lights off, lock all the doors. Cory says he's going to brush his teeth. Less than a minute later I hear a sound at the back door off the kitchen, "what is he doing out there?" I walk into the kitchen in my underwear, topless (no one else is there except Justine and I figure she's sleeping, she's the only one with an air conditioner as of yet), and turn on the kitchen light. I hear Justine's voice say, "Aaahhh, MOOOOM, NOOOO!" It's her and her boyfriend trying to unlock the back door in the dark. They were almost in when I turned on the light and gave them an eye full. Apparently she WAS NOT home. I usually check her room before I go to bed every night, just to peek in and say goodnight. I failed this night. Was it because I was under the influence? Great, I'm a drugged, neglectful mom and now I'm prancing around naked in front of my kids (boy)friends. Cory comes out of the bathroom in his underwear and realizes what happened, "We weren't doing anything Justine, we were just getting ready for bed!" Thanks Cory, even if we did get caught in the act I don't think we need to blurt out a quick excuse; we're the parents she's the kid, remember? Sometimes it's hard to tell around here....
Sorry Justine, I'll cover you're future therapy expenses.
Rolling with the punches,
Miss Z
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