Turn off the Noise

I came to the conclusion a couple months ago that I am spread to thin.  I have been unable to keep up with all the obligations I'm committed to at the moment and feel I'm losing my grip on all of them.  Since then I've been debating over the best way to tackle this problem.  Something has to go on the chopping block, but what? For starters I found a valid excuse to take a term off from my teaching job, so that will free up some energy for a few months (a few key months since my kids will be home and my brain will be tired just on account of that!). 

But I worry this won't be enough.  I have found myself becoming very forgetful and easily distracted lately; forgetting appointments, where I put things, constantly walking back to a room I was just in to get something I should have grabbed while I was there.... ya know.  I concluded a few days ago that if there was a concrete solution to this problem I would buy it/do it.  If I could increase my brain function (significantly) by eliminating dairy or simple sugars or taking some supplement, I would do it! I can't express my feeling of desperation over this lately; I'm just way too busy for my brain to be shorting out on me like this all the time.  I was on the verge of making a doctors appointment yesterday (or maybe calling a naturopath) when later in the day I noticed I seemed to be having a 6 hour streak of clarity.  I was at work and for some reason it seemed effortless.  The tasks I usually find tedious I accomplished easily and quickly, without much physical or mental exertion, and I was finished and out the door exactly when I intended to be. I starting examining this freak occurrence as I walked out of the hospital.  So here comes my grand revelation.....

I realized I hadn't thought about myself for a number of hours.  I hadn't worried about how I looked, what I was eating, what someone thought about me, if I forgot something or screwed up somehow, second guessing myself, etc.  I hadn't put any criticism on myself all night! Don't ask me how this occurred, I really don't know.  Maybe my ego just plain got tired and took a nap for a while.  I realized maybe, just maybe, it was this constant self criticism, this constant self absorption, that creates a distracting noise in my brain.  A constant distracting (and often discouraging), nagging, voice. No, i'm not schizophrenic, but I apparently still need to see my therapist on a regular basis.  I can't say I've had such luck today, I'm not sure how to recreate the conditions that cause something in my brain to just snap like that, to turn off the noise.  Welp, calling my therapist for an appointment tomorrow.  I may still call the naturopath too, my insurance covers it so why not :)

Content to say I'm still figuring it all out, hope you are too,

Miss Z