It's been slow progress launching my eldest into adulthood. I was so different from her; in such a rush to grow up when I was younger. When I became pregnant my mother completely handed me the ball, and I'll forever thank her for that. At the same time, I grew up with financial anxiety; between a struggling single mother and the influence of a great grandmother who lived like she was still surviving the great depression, my money was always on my mind. I vowed never to let my children feel like I may not be able to provide them with everything they needed and almost anything they wanted. So now as the parent of a teenager, I find myself caught between these two objectives; wanting to teach my daughter responsibility and how to fend for herself, but not wanting her to feel that she's totally on her own and that I can still care for her. This has been an ongoing battle over the last couple years.
I gave myself a little pat on the back when I finally got her to get her drivers license, but since then getting her to find a part time job has been the new hurdle. She said she was too busy with school and field hockey last year, then she quit field hockey and said school alone was just too hard and she'd wait till the summer then when the summer came she said she couldn't really commit to anything because she had all these plans throughout the summer (going to Block Island with her boyfriend, etc). So here we are, end of August and school about to start again and she's still making excuses. I gave her money for back to school shopping because afterall she's still in high school, living with me, I'm responsible for her and I would have felt guilty if I said "no". Then she worked at my mothers restaurant a few days the following week, made a decent weeks pay (for a teenager) went to the mall and bought herself more new stuff and even a birthday gift for her friend! I didn't say anything but made a promise to myself that I wouldn't be giving anymore handouts until Christmas.
So a few days ago she mentioned her friends were going out to dinner and invited her, but she had no money, could she borrow some. I pointed out that she had money a week ago and spent it and still owed me for half the price of the pricey sneakers I bought her. She squirmed and looked away in discomfort of being confronted with her financial irresponsibility. I knew that she knew that I knew, and she knew too.... I confidently said, "Sorry Charlie, no can do", and walked away, end of convo. What did I encounter an hour later? Her sitting at the table circling ads in the Help Wanted section! She returned some expensive make-up she had bought so she had the money to go out to dinner with her friends, then the next day, went down to Leo's and applied for a waitress position! :D
Whats the moral of the story here guys? Balance of course! Parenting is a careful balancing act between your deep love for your child (be aware, some of that may be guilt your still dealing with from your childhood) and the duty to raise them to be a responsible and contributing member of society. I sighed a deep breath of relief this week that I seem to be keeping it in balance.
Loving life, keeping it real,
Mzzz Z
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