Ever have a reacurring dream? I only have 4 that I can remember; the one where I miss the bus, show up to school half naked and have to go potty in a bathroom stall with 3 ft high walls, then there's the one about the red house/barn on the country road (that's all I remember bout that one) then one where I'm living in a house and suddenly discover it has secret rooms and whole living spaces I hadn't known about.. then there's the one I had last night.
When I'm in the dream I realize I've had it before, but by the time I wake up I forget it and don't realize it's recurring until the next time i'm dreaming it, but when I wake up I forget about it again... This ever happen to anyone else? Anyway, I woke up this morning remembering and was astonished. In the dream I embark on a secret passageway. This changes (much like the house with the secret rooms) it could be indoors one time I dream it and outdoors in the woods another time, but all the same it's a secret path and I'm traveling it for the same reason. Every time it seems like a long journey, and it feels like one I don't make very often because I have to think about "ok go through this door, turn here" etc. I remember the way half by landmarks and half by instinct. For instance, last night I was traveling indoors, and I had to move a refrigerator to get through one of the doors I needed to pass through. I was in some random persons house moving their refrigerator to get through a secret door and they weren't very pleased I had to make haste because they were yelling at me. It's always like that; a little risky, a little frightening and takes several hours to reach my destination, on foot.
When I reach where I'm going, it never seems very climactic and usually I just turn around and head back! Never really discovering any reason for going in the first place, I just seem to be compelled to make this journey. Often I'm showing someone else the way (I'm alone only about half the times I dream it) but end up having no real purpose in showing them it's just like "Ok we're here", then we go back.
Well last night, I got to the end of the passageway, with my companion, and stopped to look around. I found myself in a room filled with lost objects from my childhood. Things I remember my mother, grandmother or great grandmother having in their homes when I was small. It seemed literally like a consignment shop, or maybe a storage unit, filled with the earliest memories from my childhood. It suddenly occurred to me why I had come; I was there to take things I needed for my new apartment. I had the sense I was starting over from scratch and had nothing. I was going to take some long lost relics from the past and put them back into use. I browsed the room picking out items I wanted, with total confidence in my right to these things and feeling an overwhelming sense of nostalgia and a calming comfort in these objects; like sitting in the warm lap of my great grandmother as she rocked me and sang me a lullaby. I felt at total peace with my past, like all was right and I ended up right where I belonged.
That's the best I can describe it. One of those dreams you hope you have again. Feels like I'm on the brink of discovering something really deep and revealing about myself lately; some missing piece that will make everything clear.... help me to unlock my true potential, my purpose. Dunno if any one else ever thinks bout stuff like this... may sound like the ramblings of a schizophrenic :p
Abyss diving enigma pondering,
Miss Z
